Events

Kicking the Tweets
Search

Entries in Grey/The [2012] (1)

Friday
Jan272012

The Grey (2012)

The Stalking Dead

I haven't posted a reader review in months. Running other people's thoughts on my site makes me queasy. Also, their write-ups are frightening. My mental image of Kicking the Seats readers as open-minded and somewhat sophisticated film lovers is often strongest before I open my Inbox.

I've been criticized for having tidied up submissions with italics, hyperlinks, and the like. Some even believe that I write these reviews myself. While I'm flattered and offended, I want to leave no room for doubt in my loyal fans' minds. So please enjoy this wholly unedited take on The Grey from krunkTeen469Apologies in advance.

I seen you sometimes let others write revies on ur site. Hope you like this one cuz I gotta tell you an everyone out there NOT to watch the gray. the comersials make this look like a big action movie with Lime Nissan fighting wolves with his hands taped up with broken minni bottles and a bigass knife but when you watch the movie ur surprise at the how boring the whole couldn't barely get throught the whole thing cause itwas so boring.

Me and my friend asked for our money back but the manger said since we staid throught the whole movie he couldidn't help us out. i said that's bullshit cuz the movie cut out at the scene where he fights the wolves likje n the comercils. One minute hes all hunched over and ready to kick some werewolf ass and there's like this stupid voiceover that's like his thoughts flashng back to his chilehoddo or whatevs but then you can tell he' s ready to fight and then the fukkin screen just goes black. and the mangager's like SORRY.

But im getting way heada myself. this movies stupid. I was so bored by the half our that I basically wrote most of ths review on my IPhone whiel the rest of it was goikn on. Sometimes I d heare a guy getting ripped apart and that was pretyy cool but mostly its just guys walking arount aNartica or somewheres after their plane goes dowon on the way back from drilling for oil near where that chick tried to run for President. That's also how stupid this movie was--its' about driling for oil but theres no sand in the whole movie-just snow. This is i guess based ona book but if the author can't even figure out where oil comes from i dowt you shojuld bother reading it.

But back to the point. my god how dum is this movie??1! Lime plasy a super hunter in Alaskan who gards these oil guys whore mostly criminals working for a big oil company (again: WHERES THE SAND!). hIS job is to shoot wolves that run onto the oil drilling place and protect the workers. later, there plane crashes while he's dreaming abut his wife in bed and shes says Dont Be Afraid--but how would she know he was in a plane crash. This + no sand=reTARded.

But when he wakes up hes in the opening of LOST with the airplane and dead bodies and he finds 8 guyus who survived but one of them dies and he helps him go in peace like hes doing his ObiWan part from Star Treck. So 7 of em are in the plane wreick but then wolves come out and cuz Lime is an expert he tells everyone what to do. but youve got the typical cast of guys who don't listen. like the tatood mexican and the fat black guy and the stoner and blah blahblha bhal blah. the decide to go to some trees sot he wolves wont kill them but the wolves get them anyway and it'slike friday The 13th except without the cool weed growing story line. i wolda been fine with these guys if they stayed badass but the stupid writer made them all humnaized by the end soyou were suposed to be upset when they died.

did i mention this movie is STUPID.?

The bigges letdown was the movie tries to be speerchal and stuff with lime always walking round mad cuz theres no god and some of the guys like "no god is real but the director wants to leavi t up to you or something. I zoned out like fifteen times when they were walking and setting up fires and walking and setting p fires and walking and setting up fires and walking and setting upf fires and wlakign and setting up fires. I was like when did LIme nissin stop making good movies like the ateam and Takeout? I mean battleship looks fucking awesome cuz after the last transformers everyone was like that's it but now you've got the army fighnting decepticons which is good cuz now that the wars over we gotta give our troops somethng to do (i like it when movies get politicl like this caus it kinda makes you thinmk ubut not to much caus you don't wanna miss the explosions and robots).

But the Gray is just s0000000 stupid. it tries to be like a make you think movie and after it was over and everybody was dead and the whole theadr was crying and shaken up I was just like whats wrong with you the ending fight cut out. Srsly, i thot we were done with this oscar shit. someone said this might even come out again around holloween so it coujdl be considrd for the academy wards and I thnk tha'tll probly happen. lime is good in this i guess even though he spends most of the movie being all interceptive. and it looks good like a natur documnetary--not as good as Modern Warfare 3 but what you want from an art movie?

last thing, in the lobby While me an my boy justin was waiting for my momz to pick us up, ths guys we're talkinga bout all the cool symbolsm and deep meaning and how you dont see this kind of interceptive drama in the mainstream (I think he menat STREAMING). i dont know what movie he was watching caus i just saw ab unch of idiots who thout they could find oil in the snow runing from wolves and talking alot. it just goes to show you that therl alweays be a bunch of idiots in the wolrd who jUST DONT GET IT.